So, in continuing my romp through Barsoom (of Mars series, or more precisely, Dynamite Entertainment's 2010 - 2014 run: Warlord of Mars), I'm beginning to get a little annoyed with the main character, John Carter. At first, he seemed as though he was willing to fall inline with the tribal customs of the Tharks, even rising to the rank of Jeddak (ala Dances with Wolves). Then he suddenly blasts through a bunch of Tharks after joining with another faction of 'red men'. Trying to read this series and get the policitcal factions straight was rough, especially with John constantly changing aliegences, all in pursuit of a girl he just met!
And that's what bothers me so far. John barely met this nude red woman and is willing to slaughter another tribe of Tharks & Zodanga (red humanoid Martians) forces, all in attempt to rescue said girl. Granted, she's hot and half-nude, and there may have even had a few 'moments,' but launching yourself into a killing-spree trying to rescue her doesn't seem all that believable... Unless you're Mario; really though, he only squished mushrooms and threw turtles around, right?
Either way, John eventually does convince Tar Tarkas to unite the Thark factions and go up against Zodanga & the other dude who's trying to get all up on that princess. Man, all I can say is that I hope for John she's good in the sack. Or worse... wouldn't that suck to go through all this and learn red Martians don't have genitals? Gotta give John credit though, he interrupts the wedding in one of the most spectacular ways I've ever seen this cliche played out!
And that's what bothers me so far. John barely met this nude red woman and is willing to slaughter another tribe of Tharks & Zodanga (red humanoid Martians) forces, all in attempt to rescue said girl. Granted, she's hot and half-nude, and there may have even had a few 'moments,' but launching yourself into a killing-spree trying to rescue her doesn't seem all that believable... Unless you're Mario; really though, he only squished mushrooms and threw turtles around, right?
Either way, John eventually does convince Tar Tarkas to unite the Thark factions and go up against Zodanga & the other dude who's trying to get all up on that princess. Man, all I can say is that I hope for John she's good in the sack. Or worse... wouldn't that suck to go through all this and learn red Martians don't have genitals? Gotta give John credit though, he interrupts the wedding in one of the most spectacular ways I've ever seen this cliche played out!
AND......
John comes with his posse, yo!
And then the Tharks kill everybody.... and I do mean EVERYBODY.
Butt (pun intended) at the end of the day, I guess being a homicidal maniac really does pay off, cause John does get some of that red strange:
Šuŋgmánitu Tȟáŋka Ób Wačhí (Dances with Wolves), be damned!
No comments:
Post a Comment